Argh! My desk has been over taken by ‘yobs’, ‘slobs’, ‘blingers’ and ‘mingers’ and it may be too late to escape their wrath. This is all down to the scoundrels at Nemesis Now and their latest collection of figures which focuses on modern day chav culture and goes by the name of ‘AZBO's’:
Price: £9.99-£12.99 each
Where can I get one: Trade: Nemesis Now.com
Retailers: Forbidden Planet, Tribal Voice, Equinox Gift Shop (Tenby)
Each figure in the AZBOs range delivers a fascinating insight in to the trails and tribulations of modern teenage-hood and with 10 to collect in all there’s an intense range of different trends on show. Today I’ve rounded up five of my favourites to show you in detail and if you’re really nice and don’t happy slap anyone then I’ll show you the other five real soon.
Phatso AZBO (£12.99)
There’s something about Phatso that makes him eminently loveable. Despite his grotesque exterior, bum crack on show and grease stained shirt there’s a mysterious element that makes him utterly adorable. Perhaps it’s those bear arms that could crush a grown man half to death, or maybe I just want to steal his giant hot dog, but for some reason he’s the best of the bunch. Despite being the largest figure he’s actually one of the lightest which only adds to his appeal, and makes his hug-factor as strong as that of any teddy bear.
Smax AZBO (£12.99)
Clearly having just come from school with his Education Maintenance Allowance in tow (which would explain the giant E), Smax is loaded! The only figure to contain a chav-esuqe hint of Burberry, Smax also piles on the bling with a giant gold watch and some extra dollar bills stuffed in to his back pocket. What I especially like about this figure is the way the design team have portrayed Smax’s clothes as baggy by making them oversized and then cutting in to them to create a fantastic crumpled effect.
Miss Sl*g Bag AZBO(£12.99)
Vicky Pollard would be proud of MSB for here reasons. First there’s the three babies from five different fathers (or at least that’s what I’m assuming given the mismatch of hair styles and eyes) and a fourth baby on the way. Second there’s the puffed up hairstyle which screams “If you look at me I’ll crush you” in a way no other figure can. Last of all there’s the fashion, from the exposed G-String to the belly on display Vicky would be proud…
Sue Ecide AZBO(£9.99)
Not the most tasteful figure or name, but we’ve come this far so there’s no turning back from the ASBO culture now. Sue Ecide wouldn’t look out of place in any rockers bedroom and the great use of faded dark colours really helps to get across her punk image. And let’s not forget the giant spiked ball she holds at her feet which looks like it could be swung at your head at any time, Scary stuff, but it’s a perfect contrast to the supposedly All American Girl you know is buried deep underneath the makeup, green hair and purple skirt.
Virus AZBO (£9.99)
Staring at Virus was like staring in to a mirror. He’s got my hair style and my love for gadgetry and can't wait to get his hands of the latest video game device. Not only does virus come with a video games console but he’s also holding a double screened music player, and I’d wager he’s got even more hidden underneath his coat. Much like Phatso his appeal lies in his rounded nature but it’s the geek culture references and zen like state of enjoyment that makes this little guy one of the best.
Tune in next time when we tackle rockers, boozers and stoners whilst continuing in to a decline of non-PC filth. Well it’s what the Internet is for right?